Dreams Never End

The optimistic pessimist

The “C” Word, pt. 1

It was two years ago when I personally heard the “c” word and it changed my life forever.

I don’t know if everyone is like me,but when I hear of someone’s misfortune  I try to analyze what my own reaction would be in the same lot.  In many ways this makes me very empathetic, but the flip side is feeling the need to be prepared for the worst.

Ah, that phone call.

“I am Dr. Idontknowyou, a radiologist at the clinic, and we have your test results, give me a call so we can discuss them.”

Actually, things had started several days beforehand.  I was adjusting my Fitbit on my bra and ran my hand across my breast, feeling, a lump?  That is what you think.  “Hmm, is that normal? Was that there before?”  And you keep feeling it and then you feel your other breast because surely if it seems the same on the other side, it is probably nothing.  But it doesn’t seem the same and you have put off that mammogram for seven years.  I called and made that appointment from work the next morning. I told them, “I found a lump”.

“When did you noticed it?”

“Umm, just last night, I think, I guess?”  They could get me in the next day.

I didn’t tell my husband or my daughters much, just that I was going in for “that mammogram” I had been putting off and “oh, I found a small lump but I’m sure that it’s probably nothing.”  Deep down though, there was a gnawing in my gut.

The Breast Center!  A remarkable area of my local clinic that caters to breast health issues.  Everyone there is fabulous.  From the receptionist, ultra-sound technician, mammogram technician, the nurses, the Dr’s, radiologists.  I visited with everybody that day.  And here I thought that I was just going for the dreaded mammogram.

Pam, was the expert nurse practitioner with a specialize degree in the breast.  You know those self-examines that we should do monthly?  She is the expert.  Can teach you how to do self-exam and is trained to find those lumps.  She found the lump I was talking about.

“Right here?  Is this the area you are referring to, that you felt the lump?”

“Yes, that is it.”  I thought, “It is real, Pam felt it too.”

“Well, this has much the feel of a cyst and I feel another smaller one here and here.  They can drain those and give you some relief, sometimes they come back but usually these are just cysts. Most lumps the women find end up not being cancer.”  Pam has wonderful bedside manners.

“Let’s send you over for an ultra-sound and your mammogram and we will have the Dr. meet with you after that.” reassured Pam.

“Okay, I can deal with a cyst”, I thought while waiting.  I wondered why she seemed a little stalled on that bottom area of my left breast?  I did’t feel anything there.  “Hmm.  Why is my stomach still gnawing?”

“There is a small shadow here, on your mammogram and that is not a cyst. Pam was able to feel a small ridge there and we can see it on both the ultra-sound and the mammogram.”  The radiologist informed me later.

“That’s right Pam said I would see the Dr. last thing.”

I was at the clinic for three hours.  Everyone was nice but I was tired and the place was closing down for the day.  I was given several pamphlets on breast cancer and Pam wrote down cancer.org, but advised me to stay off the internet for now. The last Dr. made an appointment for me to come in for a core needle biopsy and said she could drain the cysts at the time.  It wasn’t until days later when I was getting my phone call that I actually remembered what she said to me as we parted that day.

“I want you to know that this does concern me, and that is why we need to have the biopsy done.”  she paused waiting for my reaction.  Trying to gauge my thoughts.

“I don’t want you to be caught off guard.”  she said kindly.

“Oh,  okay.”  I was numb, I was tired and I just wanted to leave now and go and reassure my family that it was probably nothing.

I blocked out her words.

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JustLorelei67

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In the Middle

 

It will be a busy week.

I am a disciplinarian,  a bouncer, a problem solver, a nurse, a counselor, a mediator, a peacemaker, a shoulder to cry on, a mom; I am — a middle school Supervisory Paraprofessional! And every week is busy!

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This position found me. If someone had told me six years ago, I would be working in middle school, I would have unequivocally said “no way”.   My daughters had recently just made it out and we were all happy to have moved beyond those days.

My own middle school experience, actually called junior high back then, was fraught with broken hearts, insensitive friends, awkward body changes, drama and anxieties about my parent’s divorce.

Six years ago, I was working with preschoolers, before being bumped out of my position. I needed to take a position to keep my seniority within my school district. When the middle school supervisor spot opened, I accepted, but with much trepidation. Little did I know, I would be drawn to, and strangely addicted to, the microcosm of middle school.

I have witnessed students go from an immature, quiet, bookish six grader, to an outgoing, boisterous, disrespectful, blue-haired seven grader, to a self-assured, high-school-ready, mature eighth grader!  I swear it is like watching a science experiment. A real metamorphosis. Amazing!

There are things that are difficult. It is hard to see students be unkind to one another, it is difficult to see them make bad choices,  and six hours a day is not enough to change some of the challenges they face at home. There are many factors I have no control over .

But I love my job!  There is never a dull moment and the time goes by quickly.   I enjoy getting to know the students and interacting with them.  Remembering little details, how did the track meet go, how was the dance competition, did the presentation go alright, is your grandma out of the hospital? So many ways to get to know them and let them know I care.  I am lucky, I get to know my students and build a relationship with them for three years.

Some days I spend a lot of time disciplining, other days I can enjoy their joie de vivre.  I tell my students, ‘I am here to help you figure things out and to help you make good choices’. And at the end of the day, I hope that I can make a difference.

Be well!  JustLorelei67

 

 

 

 

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A Puzzle of Games

Winter break is here and decided to take a break and work on a jigsaw puzzle.  The first time in many years.  I started it a couple of days ago and it is a great thing to do in between cleaning and errands.

I woke up this morning thinking about the puzzle.  The picture features classic board games and it is called “Games We Played”.  Here it is I am sure you will see some of your favorites in the picture.DSC_0374

A Puzzle of Games, isn’t that a great analogy of life? At the same time that we are trying to make the pieces fit we are also in the game.

What is Life  about?

Hands Down it’s the craziest Battleship Operation you’ll every man!

Happy Days will come, but many times it will be more like Roulette.

Life will not always be a Candyland or a Hi-Ho bowl of Cherry-O’s.  Instead, a series of Chutes and Ladders, somewhere Lost In Space only to end up in a Twister.

You may get caught in a Mouse Trap and not have a Clue.

Days spent being Sorry and Mad maybe stuck in a real Traffic Jam.

I think we’ve all been to a few Donkey Party‘s (don’t be an ass), just remember it’s all Spin the Bottle. It will take a lot of Concentration to assess the Risk in the Dating Game,  maybe you’ll bypass the Old Maid.

One day, however, when you’ve tired of flipping Tiddly Winks, you’ll toss a coin in the Wishing Well. Bingo!!! The Domino effect may occur!

Who knows if it’ll be a Dukes of Hazzard, a Jackson Five, or an H.R. Puffin Stuff kind of life?

At the end, Hands Down it is your Life, your Monopoly, your jigsaw puzzle!

 

Cheers and best of luck fitting your pieces together!

JustLorelei67

 

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What Is Your Dream Job?

I analyze everything!  If you’re telling me a story about your lunch date I will ask what you and they were wearing, what restaurant, where you sat, what you were eating and any other seemingly random question.  None of which will have one iota to do with the fact that you are now in a serious, committed relationship and you are trying to tell me your next move.  But I just love visualizing the “whole picture”.  Being able to put myself in someone else’s shoes is of the utmost importance to me and I like the stage set to partake in it.

Therefore my dream job (drum roll) /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\  Private Investigator of course!

 

I can imagine working the case, asking the questions and analyzing the data. This would be a most perfect job for me!

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This is day four of my blogging challenge.  I don’t think I would have picked this topic to write about,but I want to follow the 30 days as they’ve been liste.  I am inspired to come up with a list of things that I do want to blog about when my challenge is over. And that is pretty exciting!

If you want to share your “dream job” with me leave it in the comments below!

Cheers! JustLorelei67

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Do We Share Any of These Fun Facts?

Day two of the blogging challenge and I barely have time to write, but I want to make sure to get this out tonight!

20 Fun Facts

  1. I am 5’2″ (shawty)
  2. Breast cancer survivor for 1 1/2 years
  3. One of my favorite actors is Audrey Hepburn and I simple adore the movie Breakfast At Tiffany’s.
  4. I dressed up like Dorothy, from The Wizard of Oz five times for Halloween
  5. The youngest of four, three girls, one boy.  If you are the baby in the family, you rock of course!
  6. I have been a non-smoker for 25 years.
  7. In middle school and high school I played the flute.
  8. One time while I was in NYC on business I tried on some haute couture on Fashion Avenue in Manhattan.
  9. In the past I completed an online writing course studying writing for children’s literature.
  10. I secretly want to paint a fabulous picture sometime.
  11. My college year found me at Lowthian College for Fashion Merchandising (Loni Anderson was an alum).
  12. Once I drove in a demolition derby. I had a light blue cougar on which I painted Laurel and Hardy! 🙂 No powder puff racing for this girl!
  13. At the age of 20, I participated in the Ms. Minnesota pageant (refer to fact #1, what was I thinking)
  14. I have an annoying habit of trying to finish other people’s sentences for them.
  15. Analytical to the core, there is nothing I like more than to ponder the heck out of everything.
  16. My mom and I talk on the phone every day!  I love that woman!
  17. I love cats and have two of them, Friday and Chester.  They will no doubt be featured in here sometime.
  18. I am in the midst of tidying my life and have a copy of the book, the life-changing magic of tidying up by Marie Kondo.  I will definitely be including some entries about my pursuit of tidying using the KonMari Method.
  19. My mental health checker is running and working out!  It gives me balance and prevents me from blowing a gasket!
  20. Happily, I would pack my bags today, if someone handed me a ticket to travel the globe.

These are a few facts about myself. Leave me a fun fact about you!

Cheers! JustLorelei67

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One of my fur pals, Friday a.k.a. Frankie!

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Dreams Never End Inspiration

Dreams Never End was inspired by a small book bag I have just put into use.  I like the saying and the picture is quite cute.  I pondered on the statement Dreams Never End and I think that it fits me.

Throughout my life I have never completely closed the door on any of my ambitions.  Now at my age [.] maybe I will never be a famous actor or go into space, but maybe I will. I can picture myself in either role.  And if I can picture myself, well I’m already halfway there.

So why not dream?  It doesn’t mean I sit around waiting for something to come to me, nor do I expect not to work toward my pertinent goals.  But it is fun to picture myself accepting Oscar, or being interviewed on the Tonight Show, traveling the world, curing cancer, being POTUS or even writing the perfect blog.  So many possibilities, I will remain hopeful that “the world is my oyster” and continue to dream.

As far as being an optimistic pessimist?  I realize these words are a dichotomy yet they both fit me well.  I think this will be a future topic!

Here is that cute book bag:

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Cheers!

JustLorelei67

 

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