Dreams Never End

The optimistic pessimist

In the Middle

 

It will be a busy week.

I am a disciplinarian,  a bouncer, a problem solver, a nurse, a counselor, a mediator, a peacemaker, a shoulder to cry on, a mom; I am — a middle school Supervisory Paraprofessional! And every week is busy!

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This position found me. If someone had told me six years ago, I would be working in middle school, I would have unequivocally said “no way”.   My daughters had recently just made it out and we were all happy to have moved beyond those days.

My own middle school experience, actually called junior high back then, was fraught with broken hearts, insensitive friends, awkward body changes, drama and anxieties about my parent’s divorce.

Six years ago, I was working with preschoolers, before being bumped out of my position. I needed to take a position to keep my seniority within my school district. When the middle school supervisor spot opened, I accepted, but with much trepidation. Little did I know, I would be drawn to, and strangely addicted to, the microcosm of middle school.

I have witnessed students go from an immature, quiet, bookish six grader, to an outgoing, boisterous, disrespectful, blue-haired seven grader, to a self-assured, high-school-ready, mature eighth grader!  I swear it is like watching a science experiment. A real metamorphosis. Amazing!

There are things that are difficult. It is hard to see students be unkind to one another, it is difficult to see them make bad choices,  and six hours a day is not enough to change some of the challenges they face at home. There are many factors I have no control over .

But I love my job!  There is never a dull moment and the time goes by quickly.   I enjoy getting to know the students and interacting with them.  Remembering little details, how did the track meet go, how was the dance competition, did the presentation go alright, is your grandma out of the hospital? So many ways to get to know them and let them know I care.  I am lucky, I get to know my students and build a relationship with them for three years.

Some days I spend a lot of time disciplining, other days I can enjoy their joie de vivre.  I tell my students, ‘I am here to help you figure things out and to help you make good choices’. And at the end of the day, I hope that I can make a difference.

Be well!  JustLorelei67

 

 

 

 

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Attitude Adjustment Day

Yesterday was a low  point for me.  Now it isn’t because it was Valentine’s Day, I am no hater, it is just that this was the day that the “mean reds” crept back into my mind.

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That feeling that the world is closing in on you and it really makes you feel hopeless. It is where the pessimist in me shows up. The anxiety is about all the things you cannot control in your life, but wish that you could.   In this day of social media we are reminded daily sometimes hourly of what others are accomplishing and winning at in life.  I think it really makes it difficult to perceive things in there actual state.  All things look rosy, it’s the way everyone wants to be portrayed.  Everyone posts their best! With even their worst looking pretty damn good!  Although I know this to be true, I have to say it does add to my mood of the “reds” and then of the “blues”.  This only adds fuel however, to the mad, sad, anxiety I am battling.  It is not the cause of it.  Today I decided, I need to come up with five things to be thankful for right now.  A different blog perhaps, I will be more forthcoming with what specifically is darkening the corners of my mind, but today these are the things I will focus on to adjust my thinking.

  • My feet have touched the floor for the day, which means I can choose to do something productive.
  • At this time I am cancer-free and have been for 1 1/2 years.
  • I have a warm house and food in my fridge.
  • Both of my parents are still living, as are my brother and two sisters.  I have a husband and two daughters.  Although family is a huge anxiety ridden stress, I wouldn’t want to not have any of them here.  With more time there can always be a change in them and in me too.
  • I am writing this blog on a Monday morning, when I would normally be headed to work but I have the week off for winter break.  I can get this attitude adjustment at the top of my week and maybe the rest will feel more hopeful.

For today I will remember to have a heart of thanksgiving.  If I can recite my list in my mind then my mood will come to pass.

Seeing Audrey Hepburn in the Gif made me smile!  I love Breakfast At Tiffany’s and any other movie of  Audrey Hepburns.

Be Well –

JustLorelei 67

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